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Coping with Caregiver Anger

How to deal with the Three F’s of Flipping Out . . . Fatigue . . . Fear . . . & Frustration

Elaine K. Sanchez
www.Elaine@EKSanchez.com

As a caregiver, the number of situations and people with which you can become upset are practically limitless.  You may be angry at the disease or the injury.  You may be mad at your care receiver, the medical community, the military, insurance companies, Medicare, Medicaid, siblings, children, friends, and coworkers.  The list goes on and on.

It helps to know that anger is actually a predictable and normal response to circumstances over which we have little or no control.  So as a caregiver, the question is not whether or you will experience anger – because you will. The reality is, unless you have just recently ascended, you are going to get mad.  You are going to lose it! You are going to explode!

So don’t beat yourself up for experiencing the emotion.  The important thing is to figure out how you can manage that anger without causing harm to yourself or to your care receiver.

In addition to trying to manage an already difficult situation, most caregivers also struggle withThe Three F’s of Caregiving . . . Fatigue . . . Fear . . . and Frustration.

Fatigue: Caregivers can reach a point of physical, mental, and emotional tiredness that most people can’t even begin to perceive.  If you are experiencing exhaustion on any or all of these levels, it is important to find a way to get some rest and relief from your day-to-day responsibilities.

Strategies for dealing with fatigue:

Set aside some time for yourself each day to do something you enjoy. Let your care receiver know that this is your time and you do not want to be disturbed.

• Get involved in a caregiver support group.  Sharing your stories with other caregivers can provide a safe environment to express negative emotions.
• Seek respite care.  If you do not have family or friends who can relieve you, there are people who will come into your home and stay with your loved one.  There are also places where he/she can go for a few hours, or even for several days. Some of these programs are free; some are based on income and your ability to pay.

Fear is like the boogie man in the closet or the monster under the bed.  As a caregiver, you know the disease or the injury is there.  What you don’t know is how bad it’s going to get, how long it’s going to last, or how much it’s going to cost.  And you aren’t at all sure that either one of you is strong enough to handle it.

Strategies for handling fear:

On a piece of paper list the things that frighten you the most.

• After you’ve completed the list, ask yourself: “What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?”
• Examine which fears are based on events that are inevitable and which feelings are based on situations that may never occur, and then make a decision.

1. If you know that the worst thing that could happen will happen, and if there is nothing you can do to control the events or the outcome, take charge by deciding what you can do to get prepared.
2. If you decide that the worst thing that could happen may not happen, you may want to lessen your emotional stress by choosing to release your fear and live in the moment.

Frustration

Knowing that you have very little or no control over the recovery of an injury or the progression of an illness is extremely frustrating.  It is likely that every new day will bring with it a series of challenges and complications that will frustrate and upset you.

Strategies for coping with frustration:

• Take a break and get some physical exercise.  Go for a walk, run, or bike ride. A quick trip to a gym or an exercise class can help blow off steam.
• If you can’t get away for more than a few minutes, go outside and breathe in deeply.  Feel the fresh air fill your lungs and your abdomen. Breathe in for 8 seconds.  Hold your breath for a count of 8 seconds.  Release it to the count of 8 seconds.  Repeat.

Deep breathing elevates the oxygen in your blood, releases stress, and can help lower your blood pressure.

• Call someone.  Expressing your frustration can help relieve pressure.  If you cannot discuss your frustration with your care receiver, call a friend or a relative who will allow you to rant.  Bottling up your emotions can lead to explosions and/or  depression.  (Again, caregiver support groups are a tremendous place to express emotions and seek support.)

The important thing is to understand that taking a break from the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of caregiving is not a selfish act.  Getting the rest you need and participating in activities you enjoy will benefit both you and your care receiver.  Because when you are refreshed, you will feel more loving and patient, and you will be better equipped to deal with the ongoing challenges and frustrations of caring for someone who can no longer care for him/herself.

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Elaine K. Sanchez is a Caregiver Survivalist, author, and speaker whose passion is helping people cope with the emotional stress of caregiving. To read more articles, watch videos, sign up for her free newsletter, or contact her about speaking for your group, visit her website at:  www.ElaineKSanchez.com.

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